Jesus Owes Me $50

from Dork

A cold and wet & rainy day in old Jerusalem
I saw a crowd a-gatherin' all gropin' for his hem
He made eye contact and wouldn't it be my luck
The Savior touched my forehead and asked for 50 bucks

What choices did I have in front of such a throng
Some voices in the back was askin' what's going on
The fourth apostle from the left into my face did go
Tellin' me they'd be on their way as soon as I lent the dough

I had misgivings as I reached into my pocket
If he needed cash so bad why didn't he take that ring and hock it
I handed him half a c-note, he stashed it in his robe and walked away
Telling me I'd get it back with interest in the judgement day

Cause Jesus owes me 50 bucks
I lent it to him in good faith
And wouldn't it be my luck
He got crucified before I got repaid

I avoided a pile of camel dung and stepped back in the shop
Knowin I was gonna catch hell from my pop
He said son you can't afford that you don't work hard 6 days a week
So you can give tsedakah to that long haired hippie freak

That was years before I ever saw that boy again
We was at the temple he was comin' out I was goin' in
I casually mentioned the 50 that he owed
When suddenly and somehow a doric column at my head got throwed
I said "Christ, you got a temper, control it if you can"
He apologized and said he gets it from his old man
He said "you'll get your money boy, you can count on me
As a matter of fact, tonight I got a gig in Galilee"


I went to see John, an apostle in good standing
I decided I would be firm but not demanding
He said he sympathized, but couldn't help me at all
As a matter of fact he was on his way out the door to borrow from Peter to pay Paul

I went to see Mary to ask about my wad
But she would not hear of it, you know she thought her son was God
She said maybe if I sacrificed a young ram,
There's an outside chance that I might see my 50 clams

Late one cold cold pesach they's a rappin' at my door
Some Romans wearin breastplates want to know where the zealots are
I offered them some matzoh and asked what's in it for me
But 25 pieces of silver is only half of what I need


That was O so long ago and in another land
I've given up all hope of ever seeing my cash again
Cause when I went to Pontius Pilate he couldn't help me a bit
He said "better he should owe you boy, than cheat you out of it"

I went to the hill that day and yelled up at the cross
"Forget about dying for sins, where's my money hoss"
He said he had half of it back up in his room
I shook my fist and shouted "just who's forsaken whom"

Now I'm old and grey and ready to meet my reward
And I'll just say one thing that boy better be the lord
Cause if I get up there and he ain't at God's right hand
I'll know that I was cheated by an ordinary man