The "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue" tour

The quotLooks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing gluequot tour

Bass on Bass, not Bass on Bass

On Thursday April 8th at 7:30 in the PM, Adam will be strummin' and sangin' at the Temperance House in Newtown, PA mere blocks Goodenoes ice cream shoppe parking lot where he felt up that Indianette all those years ago.

The "looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue" tour.

So i'm trying this experiment. I'm attempting to go one full week without hating stuff. actually it's a slightly loftier goal. i'm trying to go 7 days filling my heart with nothing but love*.

Heres the thing; about 5 or 6 years ago i read a book that i think was called "the punch" or something. it was about this sorta notorious NBA fight in the late 70's. In it, Kermit Washington clocked rudy tomjonovich so hard in the punim that he dislocated rudy's skull (who knew?) It forever linked those two dudes and, for better or worse, became Kermit's defining moment. (rudy went on to coach the rockets and the 1992 usa dream team and such. It's a good book, even though it might have been written by that bernard goldberg jackass…fuck…i mean that guy, with whom, i happen to disagree politically. (this is not easy)  anyway.

At one point Rudy spouts this hippie crap saying "hatred is like taking poison and hoping the other guy gets sick" well, now i hate the fact that i think he's right…jeebus this is hard. anyway, i've decided to give this a shot. i mean baby steps at first, just one single week. then i'll prolly explode and climb a metaphorical clocktower, but i'm really giving this hippie bullshit a shot.

Ok, well, i sure did pick a tough week. I say i hate lotsa stuff, but the holy trinity of ire, for me, as you may know is; religion and the hypocrisy with which it is rife, the plutocracy and the different set of laws by which they are governed, and the inappropriate Touching of Children. and ya see, this is one of them years where Pesach And Easter run consecutively so all the godlies get religious boners and you know how that tends to ruffle me. Family obligations cause me to sheepily recite how fucking awesome god is and how he's the king of the fucking universe and how we're thankful how he invented wine and matzoh and xbox and porn on demand and folk music and the day night double header and led us out of egypt and a bunch of crap that not only didn't he do, but in the last instance, didn't even really happen. Compounding this is that these seders are, of course, family time, which is…um…lets just say problematic. I've often said that my family, at this point is like the last two years of happy days. Someone should cancel us so we can pursue other projects. Really, no one needs to go to a seder led by loribeth and jenny piccolo. But i'm committed to the love thing. committed i tells ya! At least the goyim can assuage themselves with chocolate and ham and zombies**. Alls i get is Matzot*** and pesedicha cake that can be generously described as a crime against nature.  

oh also, this was the week in which appeared, pretty irrefutable evidence, double fact checked by real journalists, showing that the Nazi Rat Pope is personally complicit in abetting, after the fact, the repeated ass-rape and torture of little children. I'd rant to him personally, but there's only one jew that guy takes seriously (too seriously, as it turns out). Sadly, he will most likely not face justice. He deserves to be locked away in a real prison where ass-raping will take on a much more personal meaning to him, but instead he is putting his fingers in his ears and singing ave maria.

if you ask me**** all the catholics who enjoy being so, and go to church every now and then and feel as if their religion is something they celebrate and enjoy, should refuse to tithe one more motherfucking penny to that medieval childraping institution until justice is served. You cut the financial balls off of that organization, and it's just a bunch of dried up old fruits in dresses. But, really, i don't want to get off on a pederastic rant because, y'know...the love thing. so instead let me praise this dude, Diarmuid Martin The archbishop of Dublin, Ireland. this is what he said during holy week mass:

"There is no shortcut to addressing the past. This has been a difficult year. We see how damaging failure of integrity and authenticity are to the body of Christ. Shameful abuse took place within the church of Christ. The response was hopelessly inadequate."
its a start. this guy should be pope. i'm not fucking kidding.


i'm not giving up on this. so it is with this trial laid out before me that i play a couple of shows that promise to be as challenging to me as they are to you.

first one is Thursday 4/8 at the temperance house in Newtown, PA peep the deets here, yo,  

yeah, i know it only says live acoustic music, and you wanna fuck that blonde girl in the picture more than you do me, and it looks like there's also a grateful dead cover band playing that night, but chillax bitches, i assure you, the 25 minute solos and trippy tie dye burn out music will be in another part of joint.

The reason i know? because i just called them in a panic and was successfully talked down from the ledge. It's all good and i'll be playing^. Also, i've gotta blow yer minds a little bit. I'm kind of bringing a band. well one guy actually. Stu Bass will be playing bass. awesome pronunciation guide here, thanks to rich kelly, compudoodler extrordinaire. Coolest thing about stu, (other than his smart hot doctor wife) is that he's a communist (which will come in handy when it comes time to pay him) I know, i know, i said if i ever play with a band, please shoot me in the back of the head like george shot lenny, but many of you have also said "y'know, adam, your bottom isn't big enough" so were gonna try this. Some of you on this list who have actually attempted playing music with me, may be feeling sympathy for mr. bass at this moment. my sense of rhythm has often be generously decried as "flailingly spastic", "atraditional" and "fucking retarded"^^ but i am quick to remind comrade bass, it's kinda like swinging two bats in the on deck circle. Next time he straps it on with real musicians he'll thank me.

anywho, as you may or may not know, this event is an audience at the request of the Mayor of Newtown, one Dennis O'brien who has personally requested me to play, I'm honored and flattered, despite the fact that when he asked me he was blind drunk, wearing a kilt and singing a rugby song primarily about testicles. An audience is an audience and i expect to royal albert the hall out of him.

Straight up tho, the temperance house is a great joint, with, ironically, a great bar and wine list, and tho i've never had it, i've been told the food doesn't suck either

Gig's at 7:30 come early and often
5 S. State St, Newtown, PA 19040
The cover is the low low price of zero dollars (and worth every penny)
I'll be playing a bunch of new songs including one so heartbreakingly clever and about food, you'll think deirdre flint wrote it. And like i said, theres gonna be bass so bring yer ass-wigglin clothes
peep it here, yo

then, i've kinda got another gig on saturday night. 4/10
i'll be schlepping myself (but not the pinko) up to Schenectady to play a house concert. Actually not at neil and julie's house, tho i will be sleeping at there place^^^

Anyway, y'all should know how i feels about da house concert. Tis the best way to play, see, hear, feel, and many other verbs, music. And i'm lucky to have been invited into Margo and Izzy Singer's home. And if you happen to live kinda near the Schenactady-Albany-Troy Megalopolis, and you are a nice civilized person, get in touch with me at and i'll get you in touch with the hosts and you can sit on their couch and eat their pate whilst i caterwaul about hookers and blow. Also i've been told theres a hot tub so…

to recap, i fucking love you all, you fill my heart and make me wanna rub kittens all over my face.

i'm playing in Newtown, PA, I'm playing in Schenectady, NY and the vicar of christ on earth condones the ass-raping of little boys.

come see me, i'll be the guy with the love dangling from his jeans.

*i can't fucking believe i just typed that
**Stole that from my friend jenny
***which tastes like shit now that we're not using christian baby's blood
****and no one ever does
^tho those two don't often hold hands
^^former gov of alaska said that
^^^The women's home for the friendless

updated: 12 years ago